Issue # 8, October 2003

Dear Impish one,
You are the reason for this newsletter. I'm dedicated to
supporting the "imp" in you - your Inner Magnificent
Potential; your Incredible Mental Powers and your
Inquisitive, Magical, Playful inner child.

You're receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to it,
you're a member of "The Imp Community" online, or a friend
passed it on. Sign up or unsubscribe at the end.

A special welcome to new subscribers! Earlier editions are
archived: http://www.theimpjournal.com/archives/

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1. Feature Article: Loving More, Demanding Less
2. Coaching Q&A:
3. News, Comments, Success Stories, Winners
4. Inspirational Message to Ponder

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1. Loving More, Demanding Less
About a week ago, I came across an old book How to Enjoy Your
Life in Spite of It All by Ken Keyes. Its focus is on changing
'addictive' behaviors to 'preferences'. I first came across
this concept a number of years ago when I read another book of
his, Handbook to Higher Consciousness.

Ken Keyes defines an addiction as "An emotion-backed demand,
expectation or model that makes you upset or unhappy if it is
not satisfied. It may be a demand on yourself, on another
person or on a situation."

A preference on the other hand is, "A desire that cannot
trigger any separating emotions or tensions in the body or
mind when you do not get what you want. You are not
emotionally demanding results; you remain unconditionally
accepting and loving of yourself and others." (Ken Keyes
describes 'separating' emotions as "Feelings such as fear,
disappointment, hurt, loneliness, guilt, frustration, boredom,
anger and annoyance that create the illusion of alienation from
yourself and/or other people.")

The title of this article comes from Ken Keyes' and his premise
that "Love is the answer." He asserts that it is possible to
retrain your mind and create much greater happiness in your
life. I agree. It's a big part of what "The Imp" is all about!

At the time that I read Handbook to Higher Consciousness, I
worked hard to change my 'addictions' to 'preferences' and felt
over the years that I was effectively doing that.

Then recently, I had a 'falling out' with someone when I wanted
to talk about something I wanted. I considered it a 'preference'.
(It was perceived as an 'ultimatum'.) I ended up feeling hurt
and upset. Oops! A preference is a desire that does not make you
upset or unhappy if it is not satisfied.

The next day I decided to meditate until I was back in my usual
loving, peaceful, calm, happy state. And then an interesting
thing happened. When I reached that point of calmness, I took
responsibility to look at my part in what happened. Suddenly
the other person's point of view became very clear to me.

In any relationship, whether personal or at work, we are
challenged to find ways of communicating effectively. If we
sincerely desire to communicate effectively, then we need to look
at ways to change ourselves not others.

So many of us grew up learning defensive, ineffective ways of
relating to others. We can choose to unlearn old behaviors and
practice new mental habits until they replace the old. Ken Keyes
teaches strategies so that even when you dislike "what is", you
can emotionally experience that your happiness is not dependent
on your desire being met. In other words you do not need to make
yourself unhappy when things don't go the way you want.

We all create our own inner experience. Do we want serenity or
resentment? Peace or turmoil? The choice is ours.

Here are a number of resources that can help:
Handbook to Higher Consciousness (1972) and How to Enjoy Your Life
In Spite of It All (1980) by Ken Keyes. Since these are old books,
you may find a copy in a second hand book store.
http://www.livinglove.org  (may be temporarily offline)

The B.C. Network for Compassionate Communication
http://www.bcncc.org 
Nonviolent Communication: the Language of Compassion
by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

An article: The top 10 negative ways people handle conflict
and possible solutions
http://www.lifementoring.com/lm4links/141.html

Revolutionary new brain research
"change your thoughts = change your brain = change your life"
http://www.scienceforsuccess.com

Authentic Happiness by Martin E.P. Seligman
http://www.authentichappiness.org

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2.Coaching Q&A:
Feeling stuck? Grappling with some issue? Ask for Bev's
perspective. A wider perspective means more options.
When your question is answered in this column, you'll receive
a set of whimsical Imp notecards. Last month a question from
Gail L. of Courtenay, B.C. was answered.

So go ahead! Send in your questions!
(Your first name and last initial are used.)
What challenge are you facing on your journey
of self-empowerment?

Experience Personal Coaching! Contact me for a free 40-minute
"exploration" coaching session. Let me know your time zone.

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3.News, Comments, Success Stories, Winners
On Saturday, Oct 4, "The Imp and I" had a table at the Norske
Wellness Fair in Campbell River. What a pleasure to meet a
number of you including 15 people who signed up for this
newsletter. The winners from the draw that day (for sets of
Imp notecards) were Shirley Peterson of Black Creek,
J.S. Webster and June Lewis both of Campbell River.

Our Imp t-shirt winner for September is new subscriber
Margery Crago in Surrey, B.C.

The "Starting Life Over" pilot program is finished. My thanks to
the nine people who participated. Angel McKay from Union Bay,
B.C. has this to say about her experience in the program: "I feel
like jumping up and down and shouting from the rooftop. For
anybody who is the least bit stuck, you have to take this program!
It has changed my thinking and the way I feel, sometimes beyond
words. I feel 'brand new'."

Are you in a transition in your life? Feeling confused or shaken?
Or is there simply a part of you itching to make changes?
If so, "Starting Life Over" is for you.

Before www.StartingLifeOver.com is even online you can
experience the benefits of this program. For only $40 Cdn
this step-by-step comprehensive program will be e-mailed to
you for 12 weeks. 100% money back guarantee. If during the 12
weeks, you are not completely satisfied, just let me know and
your money will be promptly refunded. Once this program is
online, the Introductory price will be $49.95US.

Questions? I'll happily answer them. Call me at 250-897-0992
(Pacific time) or email me below.

If you are ready now for "Starting Life Over", simply send
your cheque for $40 (in Canada) or a Money Order in
Canadian funds, payable to Beverley Howden, and mail to
#155 2401 Cliffe Ave. Courtenay, B.C. Canada V9N 2L5
Include e-mail address and phone number, (printed clearly!)
As soon as your payment is received, you will receive
the first installment by e-mail.

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4.Inspirational Message to Ponder
If this quote resonates with you, the Imp encourages you to
write it on a card, read it regularly, and then journal about
your thoughts, insights, feelings and, especially, actions.

"Happiness is not in our circumstances but in ourselves. It is
not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of
a fire. Happiness is something we are." - John B. Sheerin

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Please share this "IMPressions" newsletter with your friends.
Just hit the forward button on your e-mail program...

Look for your next newsletter in mid-November.

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Warmly, "The Imp and I", Beverley ;-)

Beverley Howden, M.Ed.
"The Imp Lady"
Author, Speaker,
Personal Empowerment Facilitator,

1-250-897-0992

 

The Imp is the delight of my life starting over in 1993.
My other website is www.StartingLifeOver.com

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