Issue # 43 September 2006

Dear Impish one,
You are the reason for this newsletter. I'm dedicated to
supporting the "imp" in you - especially this month your
Intention to Make Personally empowering decisions.

You're receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to it,
you're a member of "The Imp Community" online, or a friend
passed it on. Sign up or unsubscribe at the end.

A special welcome to new subscribers! Earlier editions are
archived: http://www.theimpjournal.com/archives/

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1. Feature Article: What is in Your Tool Box?
2. Coaching Q&A: A Constant Battle for Attention
3. News, Comments, Success Stories, Winners
4. Inspirational Message to Ponder  

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Special Note: I was originally thinking of writing an article this
month entitled, "Life is what happens while you're making other
plans." (A quote from one of the Beatles.)

My 91 year old mother now requires care 24 hours a day. I need to
do my share to help both her and my sister, Bernice, who is her main
caregiver. So I'm putting family ahead of business at this time.

I recently attended my High School Re-union in Powell River, B.C.
(Fabulous fun!) It's a short ferry trip from the Comox Valley to
Powell River. I'm reprinting the article from Issue #4 (June 2003)
because I remembered an incident on another ferry trip which is
mentioned in the article.

The Coaching Q&A is reprinted from Issue #18 (August 2004).

My plans for IMP YOUniversity are being postponed.

Also, the new website www.TheImpLady.com  which was started
in June, is still not finished! I invite you to take a look at what
has been done so far.

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1. Feature Article: What is in Your Tool Box?

On one of my trips on the ferry between Vancouver Island
and mainland British Columbia, I happened to notice a father
kibbitzing with his about-10-year-old son. I was just reading
the message on the back of dad's t-shirt, "If the only tool
you have is a hammer, you'll treat everything like a nail,"
when he rolled up a newspaper and bopped his son on the head!

On the first page of The Imp Journal I write, "Your Imp
Journal is intended as a tool, to be used for your most unique
creative project - your life!" Perhaps it would be more
accurate to describe the book as a toolbox.

The more 'tools' or strategies and skills you possess,
the more choices you have and the more effectively you can
create the life you want.

Let's play with equating the hammer and other tools to
personal empowerment skills.

"You hit the nail right on the head". Someone has heard the
underlying truth about a situation, has clearly understood.
It feels good to be understood. Let's keep the 'hammer'
called 'listening skills'.

But how do you listen to "hit the nail on the head"? Start
with an attitude of genuinely wanting to understand. Think
of yourself like a mirror, only reflecting back what is there.
No added advice, criticism or negation in your response.

Listen for the underlying feeling. When you have accurately
reflected back to a person what they are feeling you have
"hit the nail on the head". Some words to use:
"Seems like you're feeling ..."
"Golly, that must be disappointing..."
"Wow! So you're feeling mighty pleased about..."
"See if I've got this right. Are you feeling...?"

"Ah", you say as you pick up the pliers, "Do I need these?"
Yes. With the pliers you "get a grip on" whatever you've
chosen to work on. The pliers are 'focus'.

Next you pick up the chisel. You recognize its usefulness.
Little by little you keep chipping away at whatever gets in
the way and step-by-step you keep going.
The chisel is 'perseverance'. Keep on keeping on!

. . . . . . . . . .

What skill/strategy/trait do you see related to other
specific tools? Wrench? Screwdriver? Drill?

I received a response from Stephen L.: "With the
coping saw I cut the shape of PEACE in my daily life as my
only goal, letting all the leftover pieces of fear, guilt...
fall away into oblivion."

Stephen's coping saw provides a simple, yet compelling vision to
switch his focus when he realizes he's caught up in "struggling".

As a thank you, a set of whimsical Imp notecards went to Stephen.
A set of Imp notecards can be yours when you provide a comment
that is used in this newsletter.

I'm very blessed at this point in my life. I have a full
'toolbox' of resources, skills, strategies, love and
encouragement to share with you. As a Life Coach, I offer you
a complementary, no obligation 40-minute coaching session.

Coaching is a wonderful way to:

1) maintain focus.
2) get fresh perspective on the opportunities in obstacles.
3) be accountable for the actions you intend to take.

I listen!

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2. Coaching Q&A: A Constant Battle for Attention

Millie's question:
"There's lots of crap happening in our family. Everyone seems to be
in a constant battle for attention. How do I handle myself? What do I
do so I don't fall into the trap? How do I go about keeping my
dignity but making my wishes known?"

Dear Millie,
Knowing that you want to find an effective way to deal with the
'crap' is a great first step.

"All behavior is simply an attempt to meet some need," states
Dr. Thomas Gordon.

How do you respond to those attempts to get a need met (the cries
for attention)? Typical responses include annoyance, criticism,
judgments, sarcasm and advice.

Being on the receiving end of such responses is uncomfortable!
And unproductive for you both.

An alternative is 'Active Listening'. Tune into feelings.
Genuinely listen so the attention-seeker feels understood.
Reflect back the feeling you think they are expressing. For
example, "Sounds like you are feeling pretty upset (or hurt,
discouraged, etc.) about that." Or even, "Seems like you really
want my attention right now? How can I help?" When you can't take
the time, acknowledge that and set a time to listen.

Underlying attention-seeking behavior is the basic need to feel
accepted and loved. With time, the person who is regularly
listened to non-judgmentally will feel accepted and loved and the
attention seeking behavior will diminish or even disappear.

The 'other side of the coin' is having your feelings and desires
heard, understood and respected. The key here, too, is to avoid
criticising, judging or blaming. Up come the defenses when that
happens. Then, the other person, busy defending himself, has no
idea what the impact of his behavior is on you. He is not
provided an opportunity to consider what he might do for you.

"I" messages allow you, without blaming, to share how someone's
behavior has impacted you. An "I" message has three parts: When
(describe the situation), I feel (state your feeling) because
(give the reason).

These strategies come from Dr. Thomas Gordon's book Parent
Effectiveness Training. These same communication skills are
applicable to business relationships as well! Check out the many
resources at http://www.gordontraining.com

You may wish to enrol in a Parenting Course in your community.
These new ways of relating take time, patience and practise. The
exciting part is, that once family members can communicate
effectively, it frees them up to grow (evolve!).

What challenges are you facing on your journey to greater self-
empowerment? When your question is answered in this column, you'll
receive a complimentary 40-minute coaching session by phone or
a set of whimsical imp notecards.

Client names are changed to protect identity and maintain
confidentiality. Go ahead! send your questions to:
qanda@theimpjournal.com

Your question will be answered promptly.
No waiting until the next newsletter.

Do you really have what it takes to live a life of Inspiration,
Magic and Passion? To find out, take The Imp's Quick Quiz and
apply for a complimentary 40 minute phone consultation.
www.theimpjournal.com/quick-quiz

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3.News, Comments, Success Stories, Winners

I love helping people grow and become more self-empowered!
One way I do that is through my 'Starting Life Over' Course.
I set up a bursary program so that anyone who genuinely cannot
afford the cost of the 7 week e-mail course can get it at a
reduced price. Information is at www.StartingLifeOver.com

Part 3 of Starting Life Over is a comprehensive look at the role of
money in your life. It's available separately from the rest of the
course. For just $16.95US at www.theimpjournal.com/aboutmoney
(immediate downloadable PDF file).

"What if you had the same minute-by-minute thoughts as the super
successful?" muses The Imp. Well, Mike Brescia has developed the
ultimate mental conditioning programs that can help anyone wipe out
intense fears and enjoy huge successes in all areas of life. His
audio programs teach you actual thought processes, attitudes and
beliefs of people who are already the best at a number of things.
Details at www.StartingLifeOver.com/-think-right-now.htm

This month's totebag winn-er is Laura W. with an "adelphia" email
address who subscribed August 23rd. Laura, I've not heard back from
you. Please contact me and I'll have it on the way to you promptly.

From now on, the winn-er will be announced here rather than being
contacted prior to the newsletter going out. So be sure to check each month to see if your name is announced.

There are 3 ways to w-i-n a "Live a Life of Inspiration, Magic and
Passion" tote bag.
1. Request game cards and mark your location on The Imp's guest
map. It's fun! There's only one rule to this game - don't get
caught doing it!
www.theimpjournal.com/where-in-world.htm

2. During the first 2 months as a new subscriber.
(Change from 1 month.)

3. When you purchase The Imp Journal: Guided Journal Writing for
Personal Empowerment, Vol.1 online.

Did you know The Imp Journal provides a step-by-step plan for
personal growth with 23 weekly themes? And online bonuses!
www.theimpjournal.com/order-journal.htm

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4.Inspirational Message to Ponder  

The Imp encourages you to write the quote on a card, read it
regularly, and then journal about your thoughts, insights,
feelings and, especially, actions.

"You can never know what will show up in your life. You can only
stay open to what is required of you in the present moment. When
you let go of the way YOU think things should be, and open yourself
to the way they are appearing, you open yourself to the will of
God, to the perfect organizing power of Nature."

Page 44 in The Passion Test by Janet and Chris Attwood.

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Please share this "IMPressions" newsletter with your friends.
Just hit the forward button on your e-mail program...

Look for your next newsletter in mid-October.

Warmly, "The Imp and I", Beverley ;-)

Beverley Howden, M.Ed.
"The Imp Lady"
Author, Speaker,
Personal Empowerment Facilitator,

1-250-897-0992

The Imp is the delight of my life starting over in 1993.
My other website is www.StartingLifeOver.com

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